sorry for the silence

Somehow the fall slipped by before I noticed. Well, I noticed the leaves and such, but before I got around to commenting. I had a glorious experience recently at the Ipswich River Audubon sanctuary. The day was gray and overcast, dampish. The fun began as soon as I stepped onto a trail that runs along the edge of a meadow. The bare bushes were thick with chickadees, tree sparrows and juncoes. With the leaves off, their movements through the tick mass of tangled branches was easy to spot. I ambled to the observation tower and, climbing to the middle level, put up a hooded merganser. Although this day I didn't have my camera, I did have the "bins" along and waited for the little guy/girl to settle on the water to get a better look. I enjoy watching the "V" widening behind swimming birds on a quiet pond. Much farther along I stopped on a trail bordered by swamp on either side. A downy woodpecker was busily rat-a-tat-tatting on a dead branch about 5 feet from me while 2 muskrats played in the water on the other side. I even watched while on of them washed her face. They never knew I was there. While I stood for several minutes just being there, more chickadees swooped around me, followed by juncoes again. The beat of their wings was the loudest sound. I was awed to be surrounded by wildlife so oblivious to my presence. It was amazing in a quiet way. It was very close to the intersection of 2 trails. I had been on the other trail this summer one day, about 7 feet from the other when all of a sudden a deer flew by me. I do not know who was more surprised. I heard its companion, just down the trail, snorting. Trying to demonstrate the sound made me conclude that deer don't have allergies; I had to keep wiping my face! This sanctuary is very popular and a lot of people pass through. Even with that there are so often these magical moments. It's a rare day that I don't experience something that resets me.

Cross-country trip

As I write, I am in the Phoenix airport, having spent the last 2 days in Santa Barbara. This evening I will be in Seattle and finally head home on Wednesday. Interviews. I was invited out to Santa Barbara and, employing a bit chutzpah, offered to fly myself to Seattle before knowing whether they wanted me to go out.

I remember when pilots used to announce what we were flying over, but apparently that's not done anymore. I really wish they did that because I wanted to know what rivers I saw undulating below me and which mountains had thrust themselves up out of what desert. I'm pretty sure I saw the Mississippi. At first I thought it was too narrow, but when I compared it to roads, knew it was pretty broad. Especially when I was 'way west, I was very interested to see how different the mountains are from the ones in New England. And the vegetation, or lack of it. Today, leaving Santa Barbara, we flew south over the ocean and turned inland probably around Los Angeles. The desert was impressive. I lived in southern New Mexico and have been to Israel. Israel had been the most barren land I had ever seen until today. The sand leading to the mountains gave the impression of fog, something not solid.

Other than palm trees, Santa Barbara had a lot of eucalyptus trees. They look as though they are always bare of bark. The most surprising things I saw in SB were pelicans and seals. The seals were less than 75 ft from shore in the inner part of a harbor. I have seen them in New England, but this time there were 3 or 4, and they played. A young man was wading out to get closer to them. I smiled when I first realized what I was seeing, then felt a pang of sadness. A friend had told me about seeing seals practically next to her house and thinking of her reminded me of her partner's very recent death. Twenty years of doing my part to try to help researchers defeat cancer had not helped.

serenity

I have started running again after almost 25 years off. Three hour commutes and later, young children accompanied by single parenthood, made it hard for a long time. My brother indirectly inspired me to train for a race and even though he won't be able to compete, the bug has most definitely bitten me. A few weeks of regular running have paid off - when I was playing soccer the other day, I recovered from sprints faster than I would have a few months ago. It was a student-alumnae game at my prep school and I realized I am old enough to be a grandmother to some of the students.

The day before the game I decided to go hiking instead of running. It was a beautiful late summer day. I had been to Pawtuckaway once before with friends ages ago. The difficult decision was whether to try a somewhat strenuous hike or something easier that went around a marsh. I am fascinated by swamps, wetlands, and marshes - just think of all the life teeming in there - so I chose that route. The strongest memory for me is the scent of dry pine needles. After a summer of warm and sometimes hot weather, needles that fell before are thoroughly dry now and a little more heat makes them release their perfume. So many times as a kid I walked through the woods on our farm, sometimes to cut firewood and sometimes as an escape. The aroma brought me tranquility and peace.

Although my relationship with my father was difficult, there are some really good things I got from it. Nature was important to him, and he wanted us to enjoy it as much as he did. Sometimes I think he was born in the wrong century, that he would have been more at ease as a pioneer. He taught me about walking quietly through the woods, like an Indian, and, even now, if I make noise when I step on twigs, I admonish myself. Like his appreciation for languages, I have unwittingly taken his appreciation for nature perhaps than he did. He felt that it was important to know other languages; I love languages. My connection with nature is more fluid and open, less rigid. I am part of nature, or at least I try to be. When the deer simply watch me in curiosity and don't run away, I am joyful. I am successful.

plus ca change, plus ca meme

It's funny how sometimes just waiting a day or two can change things. The other day it felt as though several job opportunities had fallen through, and they had. But all is not lost. A couple more have appeared and now there are 2 that look promising and one is still a possibility. Oh, and another one is getting lined up. It's a little frustrating that the most definite possibilities are still a month away from any decision, but after all this time, perhaps a month isn't so bad.

I've just had to deal with not being able to practice my profession, but when I have a chance to talk about it, I realize how it's still fresh to me, even after 20 years. Mostly except for administrative hassles, my last job was ideal. I was still connected to medicine and I was paid to do something I love - dig for information. I also learned that I really enjoy teaching. There was a lot of satisfaction in helping people learn how to find what they needed. And their appreciation was great. To quote Tallulah Bankhead, "To hell with criticism, praise is good enough for me!"

work possibilities

Do you remember the song by Donovan with the lines "First there is a mountain, then there isn't"? Job prospects seem to be like that. The other day interviews and possibilities seemed to be sprouting like mushrooms. One job disappeared when the company decided not to follow up on a project. Another interview bombed on the way. That group had never sent me any information about location or time, then seemed a little snippy when I called about it. A combination of their lack of professionalism and my mind being distraught. Another place is going for bioinformatics and preference to people who had studied science. That despite calling the job a reference librarian. So, I've gone from riding a crest to being in the trough between waves. If nothing else, this is the closest I've gotten to getting completely wet in water outdoors this year!

OK. It's not all bad. I did have a phone interview last week and another one tomorrow. The first one I thought went well, but they all kept a poker voice, as someone put it. Now for the anxiety of waiting to see if I go actually have an in-person interview. I hope so because, even with the possibility of moving, I think this would be a good fit.

Moving also means more separation from my children. Yeah, they're teens and in boarding school, but still.... Well, maybe I'll become more acquainted with Skype.

Let's hope someone makes a decision soon.

going back and the right thing

The job I had for a long time was in a hospital. Being a lifelong blood donor, already being in a hospital made donating much easier. For most of my donating career, I gave whole blood, but I switched to platelets some years ago. You're able to donate platelets much more frequently than whole blood and can donate up to 24 times in a year. The people in the donor center are like a family within a family and I missed that feeling after I left. So, even though it had been emotionally hard for me at first, I decided to keep going.

I had made it a point to talk to the "little" people when I was working - housekeeping, maintenance, security guards, cashiers. When I donated yesterday, I had to sign in and get a visitor's badge and had a chance to talk with the security guard. It was wonderful. She asked how I was doing and we chatted a little. Nothing profound, but it was a connection.

Over the years everyone had become bu sier at work and it wasn't always possible to see people as often as I had before. Some have said that they haven't seen me much, not knowing I don't work there anymore. But they are all so glad to see me. I realize that I really did make friends. Is it leaving a legacy? I do know that this has been an outstanding example of how doing the right thing has rewards. So I'm going to keep on doing it.

Interviews

Today Is really about being unemployed. With luck that status will change in the near future if the number of interviews are any indication. Two this week and another next, plus one last week. And there is a possible short project as well. It has been too close to a year and a half - 2 consecutive birthdays without work. Recently I went a month without unemployment assistance while the Senate deliberated and then went on vacation before voting.

Over 20 years ago I had a fun job and, when I was laid off, I was making $8/hr. Has anyone noticed that that's what a lot of companies pay now? How is anyone expected to survive on that? Even in the mid 80s it wasn't spectacular, but it went farther than it would now. I accept that a pay cut will be inevitable and, quite possibly, a move. A move to the right part of the country could mean more sense if the cost of living is lower. I will keep you posted.

Recent adventure

Last week I paddled my kayak on a stretch of the Ipswich River which is very low, despite the biblical amount of rain we had this spring. One advantage to being out of work is that I can go when there are very few people and the animals are comfortable. There were turtles on every other log sunning themselves. It was amusing to think that while humans would have submerged themselves up to their necks, the turtles want to get warmer. Anyway, I was going downstream so there were places I could just go with the flow, literally. This was great when I was stalking a great blue heron. The current was gentle enough that I didn't approach too quickly. It got nervous a couple of times and flew a little way downstream, before leaving for good.

Once I went around a slight bend and startled a young muskrat on shore. It scampered through the grass so fast. I saw a pair of downy woodpeckers and a goldfinch, one of my favorites. Farther down some Canada geese were having a late lunch on the bank; I saw them plop into the stream on my way back.

The most exciting sight was, what I am quite certain, was a mink. Sightings are rare,apparently. I checked one book I have to compare minks and weasels. I did not see any white underneath, so I think it was a mink. Cool! I had never seen one in the wild before.

When I'm out, in my boat or walking, I'm in a different world. Even in this populated area, I feel like a pioneer, wondering what I'll discover around the next bend or that rise. I think of my father and how he tried to teach me to walk so quietly in the woods. I become an old 10-year old. It keeps me excited about whatever I see. Now, it isn't just seeing deer or heron, but sitting and watching them and how they move, behave. There's no scorecard.

Intro

While I am a librarian and am unemployed, this is not just about those topics. I want to talk about nature and what I've learned and experienced since I became unemployed. Walking around in the woods makes me aware of how little I know and how much there is to know. I've been thrilled to see deer and great blue herons, beavers and muskrats. Kayaking on the river and a couple of times in the ocean. I'd like to share my thoughts and feelings.

Til next time. Ciao.